Apparently you make a good broom.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
