My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
