Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize