she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
