Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
