You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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