i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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