Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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