There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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