I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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