I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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