Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
