I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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