If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
