I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
