I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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