Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
