DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
