i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
And then he peed in my hair
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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