Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
