Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My bed smells like the plague
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
