He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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