Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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