im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
