We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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