Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize