just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
