Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
