Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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