Betty ford says i'm here all night
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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