Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
