just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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