he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
