East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If I die, sorry about rent.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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