It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
