there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
