Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize