You just made me feel so damn special
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
