I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
