my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Two words: blizzard sex
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize