i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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