just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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