dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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