go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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