Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Randomize
