the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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