the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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