dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
