I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I love you. Go after that dick
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
