I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
