The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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