when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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