so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize