Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
