It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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