yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
