He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
