grandma shit on top of the toilet
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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