Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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