honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
