my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
