hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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