i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
