remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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