we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
