You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
