I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
